stasis status
By tuck 10 May 2002
ive just finished writing the following TTJ entry. its long. i had some time and it was nice to put some thoughts down. its intended for the people who know me, but if you dont, youll know me better after reading on. resultant of a last-day-of-vacation-and-ive-received-a-bunch-of-emails-and-phone-calls-from-all-sorts-of-people-who-are-questioning-my-choices sort of situation, its purpose is to get people to see another side of things and hopefully inspire a little faith in my recent decision, which will be mentioned, eventually, although not in this entry.
<p>so here we go…</p>
<p>———————————————-</p>
<p>Part One: Stasis Status</p>
<p>everything is just good.</p>
<p>it seems like there should be some sort of problem or struggle or stress to deal with or overcome- but there really isnt. in fact, im so content that im frightened. </p>
<p>content with my existence, i mean. not the worlds, but mine. each and every non-relaxing but nearly perfect day.</p>
<p>this could be good or bad; seeing as this has never really happened to me before, i have no basis for thinking either. this could be bad because i could get rusty. i could become lazy and grow to expect the easy-breezy. in essence, i could be spoiling myself into retardation. </p>
<p>but it could be good. i feel good. im closer to feeling fulfilled and, to a degree, existing in an element that actually feels natural for me.</p>
<p>in fairness to tucker watchers, i realize that my lifestyle here, doing what im doing (discussed later) is not really on any sort of path towards some ultimate career goal. this results in worried family and makes friends question my judgment as they (amazingly, just about all of them) move on and up to prestigious, meaningful, important, high-level, moneymaking, long-term and brightly futured employment slots. but in fairness to the tucker being watched, ive never had an ultimate goal, just a long series of mini-goals which ive been knocking off one by one as they sprout up around my life. eventually ill get to the make-hoards-of-money goal. it just didnt rank high enough on the list to be a priority. however, lately ive realized that to parents, friends, professionals and random people i meet, i might be coming across as some sort of hopeless <span class="caps">DMA</span> (Discover Myself Abroad) hippy. especially to the chinese, who really cant grasp the idea of a liberal arts education or going to college to explore personal interests as opposed to fulfilling the req. for working at <span class="caps">XYZ</span>, i also must seem like an <span class="caps">LAH</span> (Loser At Home). but i can defend myself: im accomplishing things here and i do feel like im on my way to something important. but before i get into it, allow me to point some things out. </p>
<p>i think one difference between myself and most thraxil contributors and others whove been steered here to read this chunk of blab, is that, unlike most of you who were fortunate enough to have an interest in something which also happens to be an increasingly important, needed, and meshed aspect of the lives of every human being, my driving interests have always been located in much broader realms. unfortunately, these areas dont really have a professional sector. </p>
there is no industry for me, per say;
not a legal one anyway.
<p>this poses quite a challenge. imagining myself having to work for the sake of work and starvation-prevention instead of forging ahead in pursuit of my interests is hard. </p>
<p>i know what kind of person i am and i also know that there are few slots for me.</p>
<p>i do have a couple of ideas floating around for the future, so, im not a complete desert of professional ambition. in fact, ambition itself is something i have a surplus of now. its just not for the 9-5 gig. its to explore the interests i have with all the fervor i can muster while i still can. to mention, i am supporting myself over here, entirely. im proud of the fact that ive enabled myself to grab onto what im interested in with both hands (and feet, toes, ears, mouth, brain and strange-loopy soul) and that im officially no ones burden. </p>
<p>im not particularly special, but i know im not an average joe. ive had all sorts of revelations resultant of a huge diversity of comparatively rare life experiences. that none have been entirely steering is no ones fault, and, although causing a problem of convenience, i think its not entirely unhealthy. i think that typically when someone has an interest in something and it turns out that they are good at whatever that thing is they tend to follow it. to a large degree their talents, when meshed with their enjoyment of those talents, form a guiding force which illuminates the occupational avenues to stroll down. but what if their interests and talents dont coincide? or, what if they do, but, unfortunately, theres no place for them in todays world? or what if theyre still being pulled in different directions?</p>
<p>i guess you either role dice, or attempt to create your own, self-satisfying venue. </p>
<p>Part One here has been an attempt at bringing issues forward and dusting them off for a rousing good time of self-defensive literary posturing which probably has not satisfied the reading audience whom are now remembering that they have better things to do than read my drivel. </p>
<p>but alas, thy wilst blab unto thine faithful. tune in later for Part Two: Missing Misty Mysticism which will somehow involve a meandering lead-up to present day motivations, if you’ve nothing better to do.</p>